My eldest is off to uni and I am dreading it!!

How are you going to manage with empty nest?  This situation is different for all families, is this your eldest or your only?  Either way it is the same empty feeling and the worry about how they will manage and how they will cope without you.

There’s no point in me saying it will all be fine because right now it doesn’t feel like it,  I hope that what is written below may help.

I am looking at the practical tips, the mental health tips, and of course the remedies – a combination of which can all help.

How to cope when you child goes to uni?

Right now don’t do anything different except help to get them ready and keep them positive and in the best position they can be.  Your child will be nervous, although this may not come out as nerves, if you fuss too much you may get a sharp retort!

Quietly in the background you could make some enquiries for yourself – about classes you may be able to do – you will have a lot more time on your hands.  Whether its fun classes or educational classes I am sure there is something.

If you are working you may want to extend your hours, if you are married and with your partner then maybe you can find something to do together knowing that you won’t be chauffeur for a while.

He/She is my only child – how will I manage?

This is not an easy scenario but, being the mum of an only child, I do understand.  They are your world and you want to keep them safe and close to you.  They however deserve the chance to make their own lifes and enjoy themselves and spread their wings. You will miss them dearly.

After a while though you won’t miss the extra washing, the coffee cups left around the house, the noises and other comings and going they created while they were at home.

As above look to create different options to keep your mind busy while they are away – things you have never done before, start some relaxation therapy to keep your mind occupied. Yoga, pilates or similar are really good.  Here you will also meet other mum’s, one huge advantage is that you be known as you for who you are and not the “mum of someone’s child”

This is now a time for you to create your own identity if you have been a stay at home mum, and even if you have been at working and not had a social life because of your children, this is the time to start, slowly regaining you own sense of self, rekindling your hobbies and maybe new interests as well.

How can Bach Flower Remedies help you manage these emotions?

The Bach flower remedies come into their own with this situation, we can cope with the trauma of the loss – it is a sense of bereavement in many ways, so we would calm that with Star of Bethlehem.

We would use Red Chestnut to help with the worry and overconcern for you child, you don’t want to make a nuisance of yourself phoning everyday to see how they are?  They can irritate them and annoy them and they will be with friends  – this remedy will ease that situation as it takes away the overconcern for others

I would also look at Walnut – the remedy for change – this is a massive time of change and getting used to your new environment and homelife, learning to cook for one less etc. Walnut will help with all of this

White Chestnut is another useful remedy – this will stop you lying awake at night worrying about them, there is nothing you can do, and in many ways it needs to be a case of out of sight and out of mind.  The constant worry about them will only cause you to feel worse.  White Chestnut is the remedy to stop the overworked mind monkeys and to quieten your mind and enable you to sleep.

What happens when they come home?

Time will start pass quickly and the next thing you know they will be coming home for Christmas!!!! Look out!!!

Just as you have settled into a routine they will back, washing and everything else with it.

At this time this is where you need to maintain your routine and for them to understand that you have created a world for yourself outside of them.  You have possibly found yourself and you must continue to pursue the new activities you have developed.

You will still be loved and still be cared for but in many ways there will be a new sense of respect for you will develop.

Now what?

Enjoy your time with the new adult in your life, enjoy their learnings, and lean into their work and their success.  You will have a child you can be proud of and every term the same process will happen but it will be easier every time.

If you would like my support through this process please feel free to call me